He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My life is pants optional.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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