I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
