Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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