so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
