can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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