Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
