Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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