this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
