I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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