I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
do nipples grow back?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
