U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
