Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
