I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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