Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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