there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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