maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
