are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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