South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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