Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
