so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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