I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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