exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
