Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
