So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
