You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
