when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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