Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
