So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
