So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
