Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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