If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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