Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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