come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
