Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(234): View more from Ohio

Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey

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(915): View more from Texas

What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

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(323): View more from California

Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(937): View more from Ohio

so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

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(954): View more from Florida

I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets

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(816): View more from Missouri

Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.

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