Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat