Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.