What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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