If i come over, it means nothing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He better not be in your backpack
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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