you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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