The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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