i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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