Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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