bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
