Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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