so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
