I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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