I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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