Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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