I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
