Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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