How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
