This girl is more easily done than said...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
