Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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