evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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