so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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