I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
