people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
