i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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