apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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