i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
