a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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