If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
