we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
