the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
