She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
