pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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