You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My liver just had a heart attack.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
