I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
