Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
