thus making me awesome and them whores
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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