It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
